Last week I was with a Director client discussing his objectives for our coaching assignment. Ahead of a comprehensive 360 feedback mechanic, he candidly and articulately gave me his views of his strengths and development areas. I then asked him what his peers and his line reports would say were his strengths and development areas. After a period of reflection, he started his sentence with “I think they would say this”. I asked him why he used to ‘think’ and not a ‘know’. His answer was that he has never actively asked them for feedback on his behaviours.
Wow! And here is the frightening thing. The ‘I think’ answer is an all too common one for so many leaders in organisations of every shape and size…and not just leaders. When was the last time most parents asked their kids on how well they were parenting, teachers asked their students for feedback on their effectiveness, or indeed we asked our partners what we are like to live with?
Why we don’t ask
Most people fear listening to others views about themselves. Indeed, the term ‘feedback’ is so overused and misunderstood in organisations that it generally evokes negative emotions. It is understandable, if a little disappointing, that so many of us choose to protect ourselves in advance to steer clear of feedback on the chance that it will be negative and unfavourable. It could be linked to the sense that we often simply do not feel good enough and that feedback is often given during heightened emotional states and mis-used and mis-interpreted.
Why does feedback matter?
The inconvenient truth is that we cannot grow without it and when feedback is solicited and given in an effective way it can improve your behaviour and performance in an incredible way.
Take the client who believed that the way he was communicating with his team was highly effective and engaging, only to learn that the majority found the level of detail he required over-powering and that it really slowed down decision making and creativity. Or the client who was unaware that she was seen as lacking clarity of purpose and vision until she sought feedback.
Moving from ‘I think’ to ‘I know’
So finally, a challenge. Why not write down one significant person in your personal or work life and commit to asking them today for the gift of feedback on an area that matters to you both – move from ‘I think” to ‘I know’- it could be a game changer.